A Hard Truth for Divorced Dads

If you're a divorced dad, I'm going to say something that's probably going to piss a lot of people off, but I'm going to say it anyways.

If you're a divorced dad, I'm going to say something that's probably going to piss a lot of people off, but I'm going to say it anyways. If you are intentionally making the mother of your children suffer, either emotionally or financially, then you're not as good of a father as you think you are. And here's the reason why. It is your job as a father to make sure that your kids are safe emotionally, physically and financially. And when they are at a different household, 50% of the time, when you make that other parent suffer, that actually affects your kids. When they are. When the mother of your children is stressed out, when they're emotionally alone over the place because you added gasoline to that fire, guess who takes the burden of that? Your kids do. When you're, when their mother can't afford to go do things or buy things, guess who suffers? Your kids do. This isn't about you. This isn't about your ex. This is about your children. And like, trust me, I get it. I'm the breadwinner. I, when I was divorced, I had my wife. At the time, my ex wife was a stay at home mother. I get it. Financially, there's been a really rough year. But you know what? I still did. I still showed up. I still paid what I needed to pay. And there were things that were done to me. There were things like narratives and stories and different things that I didn't correct or I didn't push or I didn't take to the extremes and I let it go and gave the other person grace. Not for me, not for them, for my kids. So that my kids grew up or spent the other 50% of the time in the other house in the best possible situation that they possibly could have. And there are a lot of people out there that are so angry at their exes that they will make their exes suffer and not realize that the person actually suffering is your kids. I get that it's hard. I get that it's tough. I get that it feels unfair. But you are the father, you're the leader. Show up in the best possible way so that when you look back at this time, you can be proud of how you showed up instead of looking back going, man, I really messed up or I wish I wouldn't have done that or try to get even with this person. That's not what this is about. This is about your kids. Because divorce doesn't actually damage kids. It's the fighting and the bickering and the back and the fourth and, and just the evilness between the two parents that actually causes the damage. So if you have an opportunity to limit that and help out over there, even when you're not asked to, even when they're doing things to you, and you show up in the best possible way so that your kids can live in a healthy environment, that's a man, that's a dad. That's how more people need to show up.